When they're done, they're done......
This & you should be too.
Tell her to GFY & then do the best you can to defend yourself against what she will attempt to do.
If you do otherwise, you are a damn fool.
MM
Sound advice.
Oh yeah. It's pretty "easy" to tell someone you love and have kids with to GFY and leave. WTF is wrong with you people?
Everyone is rooting for divorce so you can relish it on 24HCF.
WTF?
If you go back and read my edit, my situation didn't involve an affair and I have no idea if OP's wife is having one but if she is, there is a reason for it and he'll have to decide if he will forgive her for her pettiness
Has nothing to do with rooting for divorce. Has everything to do with snapping her out of her bullchit fantasy of creating some new, exciting life for herself, AND keeping him on the backburner as a "plan B". Nearly EVERY woman does it. Don't want to hear any chit from the women, nearly EVERY one of them do it (again, with the stipulation they're not leaving a loser, a drunk, or an abusive or serial cheating azzhole).
As long as he's pushing for counseling, reconciliation, "trying to make things work", etc., HE IS MAKING HIMSELF HER PLAN B! She knows she can go out and try this new life on for size, and if it doesn't work, he'll likely let her return into open arms.
The whole "divorce her now" thing is about taking away her "plan b", and making her make the HARD CHOICES NOW (and live with those choices), and him not allowing himself to be strung along, or be her pacifier while she weans herself off of him.
Hard clean break now. Make her face reality NOW. She is making a choice. Make her live with it, full force, NOW.
I'd personally not give that advice if I didn't think it was the single best way for him to get her back. And, more importantly, to get himself started off on the right foot to making a new life for himself without her should she not return, or he decide she's no longer worth the effort.
When "they're gone, they're gone" is true...to an extent. Sometimes, they're gone, until they believe YOU are gone...and they begin to wonder why YOU were able to just walk away from THEM so quickly and easily.
Women want men (MEN) who stand up for themselves. She has disrespected him in a most severe way. If he doesn't stand up for himself now (by nexting her azz), she will never respect him. Without respect for him, she will NEVER have an attraction for him. That attraction is what could, possibly, pull her back.
Or, he could whine, moan, beg, plead, cry, bargain, negotiate, etc., and lose whatever respect she has left for him....
Sorry, but she got bored, or is having a fling, and has her head in a cheater's fog, has decided she wants more, and it is time for him to not tolerate that chit, and show it through action.
Nothing much more pathetic than a man who chases after a woman who doesn't want him. He needs to turn and walk away from that chit. Once he does so, maybe she will have her "WTF" and "Oh chit" moment, and turn to chase him. IF he does that, and IF that happens, HE is on his way to getting his wife back. A wife who won't attempt to disrespect him to such a severe extent again. IF he even wants her back at that point.
