Well, I bit the bullet and bought a fat bike. Borealis Flume (Colorado company, did that just to help with Smoke's recovery.) I rode a friend's bike for a while Saturday, stewed on it Sunday, and then purchased Monday. Did about 10 miles and only got kicked off of one trail. Below zero temps are not kind to the cell phone, so not really sure how far I ended up going. Now I just need another $500 worth of crap (frame bag, lights, pogies) and she'll be good to go.
