Please consider what I say from this perspective. I spent over 40 years of my life bogged down in legalism. The influences? Pietistic Anabaptist, Separate Baptist works gospel, Wesleyan Holiness and a heavy influence of Wesleyan Christian perfectionism as if everything else wasn’t enough.
I could not have tried harder. I could not have been more sincere. I could not have wanted those things more than I did. I’m left with the fact that I never found transcendence. I never found a second work of grace. I never found myself to be good and improving.
I understand that completely.
I had a TERRIBLE temper. Not only was it hard/impossible for me to see that, once I did, it seemed impossible to change. Nothing seemed to work. I practiced meditation for over a decade with no change.
What I did was I gave up and asked Christ to do the heavy lifting. Though the grace of Christ through His sacraments and prayers, He slowly changed my heart. I had to cooperate, of course, but Christ did the heavy lifting.
Keep in mind that there may be crosses that Christ will not remove. These we should offer up to Him for our good and the good of others. Unite our suffering with Christ's. It brings us peace.
