As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part
of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.
~ John Glenn

America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population
believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.
~ David Letterman

After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box.
~ Italian proverb

The only reason they say 'Women and children first' is to test the strength
of the lifeboats.
~ Jean Kerr

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new
wife.
~ Prince Philip

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
~ Emo Philips.

Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.
~ Harrison Ford

The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree.
~ Spike Milligan

Having more money doesn't make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but
I'm just as happy as when I had 48 million.
~ Arnold Schwarzenegger.

We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I
have no idea.
~ WH Auden

If life were fair Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators
would be dead.
~ Johnny Carson

I don't believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we're very skeptical.
~ Arthur C. Clarke

The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone.
~ George Roberts

If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the
airport.
~ Jonathan Winters

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
~ Robert Benchley

I am..........disturbed.

Concerning the difference between man and the jackass: some observers hold that there isn't any. But this wrongs the jackass. -Twain